Over It

I guess it's time I update this and get this off my chest.  Isai and I are over.  He lied to me about so many things before he got deported.  I knew he was lying.  I told him I knew he was lying.  He stuck to his lies.  After he was deported he said being in jail changed him and no more lying.  Another lie.  I'm done being lied to.  I deserve better.  I think I was just stuck on the idea of being with my baby's dad.  I will always wonder 'what if'.  That's one of my biggest faults.  What if I would have stayed with him?  What if I would have gone to Mexico with Isabel?  What if I would have gone to Mexico without Isabel?  What if one day he shows up here?

I finally realized what I needed has always been here, and I've been blinded by his lies.  I always knew there was someone else that cared for me and my baby and our well-being.  I always knew that deep down I cared for him too.  He held my hand when I found out Isai was leaving, even though it hurt him that I was hurting.  He bought my pregnancy tests and was there when the pink plus sign showed up.  He rode his bike 3 miles to my dorm room every day to hold my hair back while I threw up.  He was with me when I told my parents.  Knowing that I'm prideful and I worry about what people might think, he said "Tell everyone the baby is mine.  I'll take on the responsibility, I'll take care of both of you."  Even after I told him that I couldn't forget about Isai and that I wanted to be with my baby's dad, he was there whenever I needed him.  If I craved it, he would buy it.  If I needed to cry, he'd lend me his shoulder, knowing that I was aching for someone else.  And then when Isai told me that I couldn't be friends with him anymore, I couldn't do it.  I couldn't walk away from someone that had been nothing but good to me.  Someone that had been one of my best friends for two years, and my only friend when I had no one else.  Thanks Cangri.  Eres el mejor.

I'm done watching the news.

I should not watch the news when I'm having a bad day.  I get even more irritated because of all the stupidity that surrounds us.  Today a 3-year-old girl is in the hospital because she shot herself with a pellet gun.  They say it was a freak accident and the mother is devastated.  Okay, excuse me, maybe it's not my place, but WHO THE HELL LETS THEIR 3-YEAR-OLD PLAY WITH A PELLET GUN!!!  The pellet hit a vital organ and she instantly stopped breathing.  She is now in the hospital, and, thank goodness, she's in stable condition.  But really?  Some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.  I know I'm not going to be the perfect parent, but seriously.  Pellet gun. 3-year-old.  Unattended.  Come on now people.  I think I would let my nephews take care of my baby before I let these people near her and they're all 10 years old or younger.

Then there was another story based around, here we go again, illegal immigration.  I understand that illegal immigration is a problem, and I am in no way advocating it.  I think if people are coming here, they should do it the right way.  (Isai didn't, and now, well, you know.)  However, some people take their issues with immigration way too far.  Someone sent a list of approximately 13,000 names of 'suspected' illegal immigrants to local news stations and police departments.  Along with names there were also phone numbers, addresses, birthdays, and in some cases, supposed fake social security numbers.  There was no return address on the envelopes and it said it was from "Concerned Citizens of the United States".  It was postmarked Salt Lake City.  Why didn't these people have the juevos to reveal their true identities?  Because the only possibly way they could have access to all of that information is if they work for some government office, and releasing that information would be a total breech of, you know, security, or whatever.  What a bunch of jack asses.  A sheriff from Salt Lake County (I think) was questioned on his opinion.  If it's the same guy I'm thinking, I've been really impressed with him on several occasions.  He said what these people did was and is wrong.  He stated that in our country everyone is innocent until proven guilty, and that the people on this list probably didn't know they were on it and they had no way of defending themselves against the accusations.  Ugh.

Sorry for ending abruptly, but my brain is fried.  The last couple of days have been long ones, and today was probably the longest.  I just needed to unleash a little bit of crazy for a minute to help me calm down before I go to bed.

But one more thing, for those of you with kids: do you ever feel guilty for bringing them into such an awful world?  I wouldn't give up Isabel for anything, but it seems like things just keep getting worse.  Things we're facing now are worse than things our parents faced, and I'm having a hard time with the possibility of things being even worse for my baby girl.

Amor de Lejos

So much has happened lately, and I just haven't had the motivation to blog any of it.  I'm sure some of you have heard 'amor de lejos, es amor de pendejos.'  For those of you that doesn't know what that means, I'm not so great at explaining, and it's so simple in Spanish, but I guess it's like 'love of people that are far away from each other, is love of dumb asses.'  Unfortunately this saying is starting to ring true in my situation.  Isai and I have done so well considering we haven't been able to talk face to face since September 18.  The distance is finally starting to take it's toll.  I'm not going to go into it, because I wouldn't even know what to say, and it's not something I'm going to parade all over where everyone can read about it.  I'm not going to go as far as to make anything 'facebook official' when it comes to whether or not we're still together, or whether we're giving it a rest, or whether we're giving up all together, because quite honestly, I'm not even sure what we're doing right now.  Also, there's always the chance that we could change our minds about whatever we decide on.

But on a better note, Isabel is 6 and a half weeks old :) and she's doing GREAT!

This was at the Cruise In

Here she is rockin some sunglasses, my friend Jackie was holding her.

and here, you know, just being adorable

Here's Isabel and Gryffin.  They're 19 days apart.  I can't wait til they're bigger and can run around together ♥

Mason went to the store with us and he was being an awesome helper ♥