Am I crazy? Or is this okay?

Alright, I'm freaking out.  Friday I didn't get to talk to Isai, but he sent me a couple of texts.  My stupid phone has issues and so he only gets like 1 our every 20 messages that I send him.  Saturday I managed to get one through to him and I told him I had bought a card to call him and he texted back and said he would text me when he got out of work so that I could call him.  The text never came.  So at 9 I started calling him.  I called him probably 4 times and he never answered.  So this morning I started calling again.  No answer.  I left a voice message.  Today I've sent him 8 texts and between 7 and 9 I called a total of 16 times.  Sometimes it said that phone I was calling was out of service.  Sometimes it told me that the line was busy.  Sometimes it just rang and rang and rang and then disconnected.  Am I being crazy?  Do I need to just relax?  Or do I have reason to be concerned?  I'm just worried because Saturday he was supposed to pick up his sons and they were supposed to be with him until Tuesday.  I'm kind of afraid that his ex-wife went psycho and had him arrested, or beat up, or something.  If I don't hear from him tomorrow I'm going to start bugging his sister.

On a happier note, Baby Bel has been moving around like CRAZY today.  I dunno if it's because she's happy or if she's freaking out about her Papi too.

The Hole- Part 1

Ok, so I'm pretty OCD about some things, but when it comes to my room I cannot keep it clean to save my life.  It was clean in August.  I'm talking perfectly spotless.  But that was when I moved into a dorm at the USU campus.  I didn't know at the time that I was pregnant and that morning sickness in that shitty little dorm all by myself was gonna suck so much.  October, after I broke the news to my parents, they let me move back home because Isai was already in jail and in the process of getting deported so it's not like I could live with him.  But between morning sickness and still trying to go to my college classes I didn't have the energy or the urge to unpack the right way so I just left everything in piles all over my room.  I was going to do it during Christmas break but then my dad had triple-bypass surgery and then my grandpa died so my mom was in need of some serious help with other things. 

As soon as I found out I was having a girl I went out and bought a crib.  The next day I set it up.  Instead of cleaning so there was room for it I just rearranged my piles of shit.  Well, I need room for baby stuff damn it and I think I've hit the 'nesting period' because I clean EVERYTHING now.  Today, my friend Daisy helped me get started on my room.  These pictures are of my room after we had already worked on it for about an hour and a half.

See my poor friend Daisy lost in all the clutter?  If you can find her I'll give you a cookie!;)(You wish)

Wish me luck.  I'm going to try to finish it tomorrow all by myself :D  When it's done you can see the after pictures.

My Baby is a Mutt.

So I would say that today was pretty successfull.  Back in September my Grama's sister passed away, but before that she had been living in a nursing home for about 4 years.  Her husband stayed in their house but he hardly touched anything because he was so completely heartbroken without her.  When she died, he moved to a nursing home as well.  First of all let me just say that I am in awe of this man.  He's gotta be around 80 years old and he walks with crutches.  He is the last horologist in our area.  A horologist makes watches.  Have you ever broke open a watch and seen just how many teeny tiny pieces there are in it??? He has worked at a local jewelers for I think over 50 years.  Despite the fact that he can hardly move without help he still goes to work every single day.  I think he would quit, but then all he would have to do is sit around and think about his wife.  

Anyways, he has this house just sitting there with all sorts of old stuff in it.  Last week my mom and my grandma went over and helped clean some things up.  He gave my mom a really nice decorative table that her cousin made before he died and he sold her a REALLY nice dresser with a mirror for $20.  Then he told her he would sell the kitchen table to her for $100.  It's round and has 2 extensions to go in it and 4 captain chairs.  It's old but it's in pretty much perfect condition.  Old people really know how to take care of stuff.  So my mom is going to buy the table for me for whenever me and Isai are back in the states with our own place.  

So today I went to the house with my grandma to finish cleaning the stuff out of the kitchen.  We were packing stuff in boxes when I heard her whisper "My golly!" (I love the words old people use) I looked up and she had tears in her eyes and she was holding two small plates in her hands.  She told me they were wedding gifts to her mother and her mother had given two each to my grama and her two sisters and one to her surviving brother.  One of her sisters accidentaly broke one and for years my grama thought that the other sister had thrown her two away and so when she found them in the cupboard she was sooo happy.  It was pretty awesome.  Before we left Uncle Mel told me I could have one of the sets of dishes.  It has like 12 plates, 8 coffee cups, 8 bowls, a platter, a gravy boat, and.....I don't remember what else.  But it's sooo ugly.  But I love it!  I have no idea what color it is.  It's kinda brownish, but kinda yellow, but kinda orange.  Like the color is uglier than baby shit.  But they have character and I kind of grew attached to them.  And I'm sure 60 years ago when they bought them they were the heighth of classy.  And it'll be really cool to have something that old from a family member.  I love old stuff. 

Me and my grama were talking about our heritage and stuff like that.  So I guess on my mom's side of the family I'm German, British, Irish, Native American, Dutch, and Scottish.  On my dad's side of the family I'm German, British, and Welch from what I know so far.  I don't know a lot about Isai's family but they're Mexican and his great-grandpa or someone is Egyptian I think.  What does all this mean?  My baby is a MUTT!!!   

Got Mah Hurrrr Did!

So today was pretty awesome.  I took a test in my medical terminology class on the musculoskeletal system.  That was the longest chapter in the damn book and I didn't even read the whole thing or do the review and I still got a 94% on the test.  I was satisfied. 

Yesterday one of my best friends, Daisy, came home from her trip to California so today I kidnapped her and we went to the mall.  There was some pretty cute stuff for cheap!  I love cheap.  But I have a hard time spending money on anything when I'm not sure if it's gonna fit me in the near future.  I ended up buying a $4 men's St. Patrick's day t-shirt at Walmart.  Anyways then we came to my house and Daisy highlighted my hair.  I was really worried.  Daisy is a bit of a space cake and letting her near my head and my long, thick, beautiful hair with chemicals scared me a little bit.  Especially cause she had never highlighted anyones hair she was just kinda guessing from what she had seen when she went with her sister to the salon.  But she did pretty damn good!  And my hair is almost back to my natural blonde color.  For the last 2 years it's been various shades of red and brown.  But I guess I miss the blonde, which is weird because I absolutely hated it before cause everyone assumed that I was stupid and the blonde jokes really weren't that funny. (Yes, I got the jokes.)  Anyways.  Here's a pic.

I'm aware it kind of looks like my eyes are bulging out of my head.  That's just because all I put on today was eyeliner.  Sorry.  Oh, and that's my $4 t-shirt lol.

Haha.  Have I mentioned that I LOVE Craig Furgeson from the Late Late Show?  He did a show last night with no audience which was pretty cool.  He always has 2 or 3 guests and it bothers me because their conversations start getting good and then they have to switch because they run out of time and have to move on.  So last night he did it Larry King style with no audience and he just talked to one person the whole time.  It was some guy named Stephen Fry.  I guess he's a talk show person from Britain.  The show was still really good.  It didn't have all the stupid, random, funny shit that it usually has, but Craig Furgeson isn't just some dumb ass reading pre-written jokes off of cue cards.  He's genuinely funny (from the drugs in the 80's lol) but he's pretty bright and smart as well and it makes for good conversation. 

Not Much

For all of you people out there not reading my blog, I just thought I would share my FATNESS with you, photo courtesy of my mom.  3 months to go as of last Sunday!!!  I can't wait!

And this is my adorable nephew Mason Dean, who, affectionately, calls me Obie, and my gremlin-esque dog, Maggie.  From what we're told she's part chihuahua, schnauzer, and terrier, but who could tell.  I'm thinking more like a gremlin, an ewok, and a homeless person.

Facebook Drama

I'm an ornery person by nature.  My family knows this.  The whole time I've been pregnant I've tried really hard to be civil with everyone.  I've considered their opinions, I've bitten my tongue to many times to count, I know that this affects the whole family, it's not just all about me.  However, I don't think they understand that last part.  It's not all about me, but damn it! it's not all about them either!  My mom, bless her heart, has been the only person that has been 100% behind me the whole way no matter what.  She has supported every single decision I've made and she's the one that's there for me every time I have a break down and I just wanna cry.

I know that my family loves me very much, and I love them to.  And I'm not going to lie, sometimes the things my brothers say are pretty damn funny, as true as they may or may not be.  But it doesn't matter how many different ways or how many different sentences you put 'white girl knocked up by a deported Mexican' in, IT DOES EVENTUALLY GET OLD. 

I know, I know, most pregnant women have morning sickness, and some, like me and Mom, have it their entire pregnancy.  I know that once you get so fat, you can't breath when you bend over to tie shoes.  I know that pregnancy is not an easy thing.  But damn it my sisters-in-law had my brothers with them when they were pregnant to take care of them and to be there for them when they just needed to cry for a stupid reason.  I have my mom, thank goodness, but it's just not the same as if I were with Isai.  But I can't bring that up in front of everyone because "It's his fault he got deported." and "you're the one that got knocked up by someone without papers."  Yeah, while all of that is true, it doesn't make shit easier.  Never once have I thought Well, Josie, you did get yourself into this so you deserve everything you've got coming.  Maybe that's true and maybe it's not, but they're still my family and they should still support me. 

I changed my facebook status to 'engaged' today.  I've been engaged for a while, I just couldn't remember where the page was to change all your stuff and I didn't really care enough to look for it.  My sister-in-law commented on it with "Hmmm".  I've known her since I was 6 years old and that "hmmm" said sooooo much more than just "hmmm".  It said, You know what I'm thinking.  This is all a bad idea and you still have so many options and you have so much of your life ahead of you that you don't need to tie yourself down with a kid AND a husband.  And do you really think that he's a good choice?  I mean he didn't even try to get papers, and I don't think you're telling everyone the whole story of why he went to jail in the first place. 

A few hours later my brother commented on it with "congratulations".  That also said a lot more than just "congratulations".  To me that said  What you've gotten yourself into isn't what I would have chosen for my only little sister, but I love you and it's your life so it's your decision, and I know your not an idiot so I know you'll do what you think is best.  You and Ruth are both pregnant and hormonal so please ignore the 'hmmm' that she gave you and let's just get along or I'll stick snow down your pants and wedgie your underwear and tie it to your bra.

I love my brother. <3

Today my dad brought up the fact that in August I told my whole family that Isai was an idiot and that I broke up with him and then he showed up at my dad's birthday party with a tres leches and everyone was really confused.  Well, Isai was being an idiot and he knows it, but I was being an idiot too and I made my fair share of mistakes.  Then in October I told everyone I was pregnant.  Surprise!  And oh yeah, me and Isai are still together and he got arrested last month and he's in jail and he's getting deported.  Yay!  Oh, and that $4,000 we just spent at Utah State?  You can kiss that goodbye cause I'm to sick to go to class.  So I guess my family is still confused about everything, with the exception of my mom cause she's the only one that I tell everything to because she's the only one that doesn't bitch at me for everything.  Oh, did I forget to tell you guys that Isai got married when he was 14 and has 2 sons in Mexico and now his ex-wife is suing him and he's getting thrown in jail in Mexico unless he can come up with a bunch of money by Tuesday?  Just FYI.

I've gotta stop for tonight, I'm not sure I'm making very much sense anymore. 

New Mama

So I saw 'Avatar' today with my mom and my little brother.  Normally I try to be home after 5PM because Isai gets off work between 6&7PM his time (5&6 my time) and he calls me just about every day wether or not we're planning on talking on the webcam.  Then I thought, well, he said we're going to talk tomorrow and that today he wouldn't have any money to use the public computer.  So 3 minutes into Avatar my phone starts vibrating and it was him.  I 'dashed' out of the theater, which I'm sure was pretty amusing to anyone that watched me.  My balance while I've been pregnant has been absolutely ridiculous plus I had on those stupid 3-D glasses and I forgot that I had to go up stairs.  So my fat, prego ass more or less clomped out of the theater.  He wanted to talk on webcam. Damn it! It's not like I could leave my mom and brother stranded at the theater and my mom payed for all of it so I didn't want to waste her money. Plus she had the keys. I talked to  him for a few minutes though. His crazy ex-wife is trying to take away his rights to see his boys again. I think she's doing it because she's bitter at him for leaving her to come to the states and then getting deported and coming back to Mexico with the wonderful news of his guera fiance and our baby-on-the-way. But it's not like she hadn't moved on. She's already re-married and has another kid. And he always sent her money to take care of the boys while he was here. Then when she was using it on herself and her new man he sent it to his parents and they bought food and clothes for the boys. 

I feel like it's partially my fault. The other day he was talking to me on the phone and Edwin came into the room,

"Papi, who are you talking to?"

"Josie"

then Edwin yelled into the phone,

"Hi Mama how's my little sister?"


(The picture is of Isaac. I don't have one of Edwin yet.)


I don't think his ex knows about that, but he's 4 years old and I've got the feeling he's probably talked about his 'new mama' in front of whoever he wanted, and I know he told his aunt that "his new mama is prettier than his other one."

Anyways. Avatar was good. I won't be going to anymore 3-D movies with my mom and my little brother. They both screamed or said "OH!" really loud a few times. I'll admit that once when they were shooting missiles into the 'Treehome' I dodged one. But that's it.

Oh. Dad came home from a business trip in Phoenix tonight. When he walked in the door he was wearing a beanie but it wasn't pulled down over his ears so half of it was sticking up off his head. It looked like a homeless person had mugged a business man and stolen his clothes.

One Giant Teardrop

I've always been such a tough girl. Sappy movies never made me cry and if I was sad about something I always was really good at hiding it. Being pregnant and having the love of my life and the father of my child over 1000 miles away from me has changed that. I've turned into one giant teardrop.


Earlier this evening I went to see the movie Valentine's Day with my mom. I got past all the cute, romantic, lovey dovey parts of the movie just fine. At the end of the movie I looked to my left. There was a married couple sitting a few feet from me. The woman was pregnant. When the lights in the theater turned on her husband jumped up, grabbed her hands, pulled her to her feet, and gave her a great big kiss. I felt the tears coming so I looked away and we walked out of the theater. I started crying as soon as I got in the car, but I was doing a really good job at hiding it. My mom asked me a question and I answered. My nose was already stuffy and she asked if I was getting a cold again. I said, "No, my nose is always stuffy." Which, in my defense, is true. Being pregnant messes with your mucous membranes. We got about half way home when I couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked if she had seen the pregnant girl that was sitting by us and she said yes. Half way through my next sentence I lost it, I said, "Did you see at the end of the movie when her husband helped her out of her chair and kissed her?" By the end of that sentence I was a complete mess, and I'm surprised my mom even understood what I said. She said that she had seen it, and then she started crying with me. (and just so you know I am now staring at a very blurry computer screen so I'm sorry if I make some typos.) The rest of the way home I cried and layed my head on her shoulder and she held my hand.


Sometimes it's really hard to be so strong. It would be different if I was like so many other girls in my situation and the father of my baby didn't want to have anything to do with me. But he loves me, and I love him. He wants to be here with me, but he can't. I know that if he was here he would take such good care of me. It's not like I'm doing all this by myself. I have my Mom and my friends, but sometimes I still feel so lonely. I just feel like something is missing.

'Rogue' Wave

I now understand why my dad always shakes his head when he says "Californians". On the news they were reporting about spectators at a surfing competition being disrupted by a 'rogue' wave. To me, it sounded as if they were suggesting that some awful crime had been commited against these poor, helpless spectators and that this was some huge disaster. According to the Merriam-Webster Online dictionary 'Rogue' is defined as follows:


Rogue-Adjective;1. resembling or suggesting a rogue elephant especially in being isolated, aberrant, or uncontrollable.
2. corrupt, dishonest.


When I think of something being 'rogue' I definitely think of it being uncontrollable, but usually I consider a rogue object to have some form of a mind of it's own. Something that knows it's rogue (you know, like Rogue from X-men). When someone describes a wave as being 'rogue' I picture it as a cartoon with an evil grin drawn on it chasing after the poor, helpless spectators on the beach. People running for their lives. It was mentioned in the news report that this competition was a pretty big deal because they were expecting some really big waves, so it's not like this really big wave should have been unexpected. Personally, I think, a wave is not rogue. It's nature. Maybe these people should just get the hell off of the beach when they know that a really big wave is coming.

Road Rage & My Love Story

I need to vent. This is more or less a shout out to that dumb ass driving the Nissan Titan today that almost hit me and my mom. We were going over the speed limit and you were still riding in our back seat. When we signaled to make a left turn we couldn't go yet because there were cars coming towards us in the other lane, but that's okay because I suppose your head was so far up your ass that you couldn't see them. Then I rolled down the window and showed you my favorite finger, which you almost took with you because you passed so close to the side of our vehicle. Then you actually had the nerve to roll down your window and give me the finger! I would just like you to know that I had already rolled the window back up or I'm pretty sure you would have heard the obscenities I was screaming at you, which not only upset my mother, but my baby lodged one of her limbs in my rib to let me know that by yelling at you, I cannot relieve you of your immense stupidity. You're very lucky my mom was driving or I would have forgotten the left turn and followed your fancy ass to wherever you were going and you would have had an extremely angry pregnant woman to deal with. I hope you feel good about yourself.

Anyways, for all of you that read yesterday's entry and for some reason you're just dying to read the story of how I met my fiance, here you go;

Sometime in early April, I was at my friend Daisy's house watching a movie with her and her cousin Giovanni. I received a phone call from an unfamiliar number. Most people would have ignored it, but I enjoy mysterious phone calls from strangers so I answered. The man on the other end didn't speak any English, but I wasn't really surprised so I went to the kitchen and decided to continue with the conversation. He told me his name, which I didn't understand, so I just ignored it because I really didn't care that much. He said he lived in Hyrum with his brother, Francisco, and that he had just moved here from California. When I asked him where he got my number he said he found it scratched into a table at the Fun Park (like I was really going to believe that). Honestly, I don't remember much else from the conversation because I couldn't really hear that well and I wasn't all that interested, but I guess I agreed to a date. The following Sunday, April 12, was my 18th birthday. What I did isn't really all that important to the story. On Tuesday the 14th I started 'going out' with a guy from my school. We'll call him Mario. He was on the run from the cops. (I really knew how to pick em) That same night he was arrested and taken to Juvi. I was planning on waiting for him or whatever, but my plans got changed especially after I heard that he was going to be locked up for 2 years. Since my boyfriend was unavailable I decided going to a dance that Saturday with the mystery caller was an OK idea. I was going to pick him up, I don't know why, but I didn't know where he lived so he met me at the McDonald's in Hyrum and we went to the dance at Blackstone. I remember dancing to Amor Te Amo by Tierra Cali, Por Amarte Asi, Dame Tu Amor, and Por Tu Amor by Alacranes Musicales. I fell in love with him to those songs even though I wouldn't admit it to myself for a while. In the middle of the dance we sat outside for a while to cool off. He told me straight out that he had gotten married when he was 14, but was in the process of divorce, and that he had two sons. Isaac is 5 and Edwin is 4. He left Mexico right after Edwin was born.

When I took him home we talked some more. He asked me to be his girlfriend right off and I told him no, because I had told myself I would never get serious with someone that didn't have papers. Then he asked if he could steal a kiss. I said no. I remember looking at his eyes. They were the color of fresh honey and they stood out next to his black hair and extra dark skin. His smile was captivating, but I forced myself to ignore it. Within 2 1/2 weeks i agreed to be his girlfriend. And the rest is history in the making.

The Basics

Oh my goodness. My first blog. I'm ecstatic.

I have no idea what my blog will be about for sure or if it will EVER have a set topic. More likely than not it will just be me rambling on about whatever I feel like rambling about. And I'm a really good rambler. So I guess for my first entry I'll ramble about myself, since I am one of my very favorite subjects even in everyday conversation.

First the basics; I'm 18 years old if you go by when I was born. However, since I was about 5 my parents have told people that I'm turning 35 on my next birthday. That could be argued considering some of the things I've done over the last few years, but I still like to think I'm a lot smarter than most girls my age and in my particular situation. I am 5 feet and 3 inches tall. The doctor told me so. My mom will tell you I'm 5'2" but, well, she's lying. I have green eyes, which I'm pretty proud of.

On May 28, 2009 I graduated from Cache High School. One day I'll probably write an amazing entry about that school. It's pretty much one of my favorite places on the planet. I was sent there after Sky View High School decided they didn't want me and I didn't want them either. I'll probably say more about them one day as well, and most of it probably won't be very good.

My parents are really cool, most days. I guess I'm a lot like my dad. I'm still deciding if this is a good or bad thing. I suppose I have some of my moms qualities too, they just hide behind my dad's...I mean, MY rough exterior.

I have 2 older half brothers and 1 younger full brother. They're pretty cool most days. My oldest brother is married with 3 sons and another on the way and my second oldest brother is married with 2 sons. If you haven't noticed there is a lack of female spawn in my family. But never fear, for I, Josie, have taken care of that little dilema. As of tomorrow I will be 26 weeks pregnant...with a girl!!! I really am ecstatic about that. My due date is May 21 and her name will be Isabel Riley Montufar. (Isabel because, it's a beautiful name)(Riley because my little brother thinks I hate him, so what better way to say 'I love you' than to name my baby after him) And I'm giving her her father's last name, which will, as of August, be my last name as well. Say what you want about people not being able to find the love of there life at 18, but I did. So there.


Actually, it was 4 days after I turned 18 that I found him. It took me about 3 hours to be able to say his name right (Isai. ee-sa-ee. Accent on the last syllable. Not hard.) He took me dancing. Hmmm...this could turn into a long story. Maybe that'll be a good entry for tomorrow. So until then, adios. I'm gonna go finish watching The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson. (Love that guy. He's so much funnier than Letterman.)