One Giant Teardrop

I've always been such a tough girl. Sappy movies never made me cry and if I was sad about something I always was really good at hiding it. Being pregnant and having the love of my life and the father of my child over 1000 miles away from me has changed that. I've turned into one giant teardrop.


Earlier this evening I went to see the movie Valentine's Day with my mom. I got past all the cute, romantic, lovey dovey parts of the movie just fine. At the end of the movie I looked to my left. There was a married couple sitting a few feet from me. The woman was pregnant. When the lights in the theater turned on her husband jumped up, grabbed her hands, pulled her to her feet, and gave her a great big kiss. I felt the tears coming so I looked away and we walked out of the theater. I started crying as soon as I got in the car, but I was doing a really good job at hiding it. My mom asked me a question and I answered. My nose was already stuffy and she asked if I was getting a cold again. I said, "No, my nose is always stuffy." Which, in my defense, is true. Being pregnant messes with your mucous membranes. We got about half way home when I couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked if she had seen the pregnant girl that was sitting by us and she said yes. Half way through my next sentence I lost it, I said, "Did you see at the end of the movie when her husband helped her out of her chair and kissed her?" By the end of that sentence I was a complete mess, and I'm surprised my mom even understood what I said. She said that she had seen it, and then she started crying with me. (and just so you know I am now staring at a very blurry computer screen so I'm sorry if I make some typos.) The rest of the way home I cried and layed my head on her shoulder and she held my hand.


Sometimes it's really hard to be so strong. It would be different if I was like so many other girls in my situation and the father of my baby didn't want to have anything to do with me. But he loves me, and I love him. He wants to be here with me, but he can't. I know that if he was here he would take such good care of me. It's not like I'm doing all this by myself. I have my Mom and my friends, but sometimes I still feel so lonely. I just feel like something is missing.