Over It

I guess it's time I update this and get this off my chest.  Isai and I are over.  He lied to me about so many things before he got deported.  I knew he was lying.  I told him I knew he was lying.  He stuck to his lies.  After he was deported he said being in jail changed him and no more lying.  Another lie.  I'm done being lied to.  I deserve better.  I think I was just stuck on the idea of being with my baby's dad.  I will always wonder 'what if'.  That's one of my biggest faults.  What if I would have stayed with him?  What if I would have gone to Mexico with Isabel?  What if I would have gone to Mexico without Isabel?  What if one day he shows up here?

I finally realized what I needed has always been here, and I've been blinded by his lies.  I always knew there was someone else that cared for me and my baby and our well-being.  I always knew that deep down I cared for him too.  He held my hand when I found out Isai was leaving, even though it hurt him that I was hurting.  He bought my pregnancy tests and was there when the pink plus sign showed up.  He rode his bike 3 miles to my dorm room every day to hold my hair back while I threw up.  He was with me when I told my parents.  Knowing that I'm prideful and I worry about what people might think, he said "Tell everyone the baby is mine.  I'll take on the responsibility, I'll take care of both of you."  Even after I told him that I couldn't forget about Isai and that I wanted to be with my baby's dad, he was there whenever I needed him.  If I craved it, he would buy it.  If I needed to cry, he'd lend me his shoulder, knowing that I was aching for someone else.  And then when Isai told me that I couldn't be friends with him anymore, I couldn't do it.  I couldn't walk away from someone that had been nothing but good to me.  Someone that had been one of my best friends for two years, and my only friend when I had no one else.  Thanks Cangri.  Eres el mejor.